IVF # 15 was our best cycle for a long time. We transferred 3 perfect morulas and one straggler on day 4, and I was not too surprised when the first beta came back positive. At 11dp4dt it was not a huge number, 148, but pretty solid, and when beta number 2 shot up to 395 in 48 hours I thought things were going great. Then Mic persuaded me to go and do another beta yesterday, and I really wish I hadn't now. It went up to 906 72 hours later, giving a doubling time of 60.5 hours. I cried and cried yesterday, more than I have for a long time. But as usual, I have pulled myself together and am channelling as much zen as I can. I'm trying to let go of what never belonged to me and accept whatever circumstances life brings as fleeting.
And yes, I know that anything up to a 72 hour doubling time is considered normal. But it's impossible not to compare it to my last transfer cycle, where my initial beta doubled actually twice within the first 2 48-hour periods and then slowed down dramatically, eventually resulting in miscarriage. So I am expecting nothing. I don't think will do any more betas unless I get bleeding, but I'll wait until Wednesday (3 days from now) for the ultrasound, when I should be 5w3d.
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Update...still nothing. It's Tuesday now, the day before my ultrasound, and I feel, precisely nothing. Touch wood, no bleeding or cramps, and my boobs are still pretty huge. But no twinges, just no signs one way or the other. I am calm and ready for an answer. Just hope I get one tomorrow and am not plunged into more uncertainty.
Incidentally, I have been thinking that after so many cycles, I should really have something profound to say about dealing with disappointment/uncertainty/infertility....you know, like if someone came and asked me to do a TED talk, I should have an idea worth sharing. Can't for the life of me think what it would be though. If I have a flash of inspiration I will write a special post, to be sure!
And yes, I know that anything up to a 72 hour doubling time is considered normal. But it's impossible not to compare it to my last transfer cycle, where my initial beta doubled actually twice within the first 2 48-hour periods and then slowed down dramatically, eventually resulting in miscarriage. So I am expecting nothing. I don't think will do any more betas unless I get bleeding, but I'll wait until Wednesday (3 days from now) for the ultrasound, when I should be 5w3d.
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Update...still nothing. It's Tuesday now, the day before my ultrasound, and I feel, precisely nothing. Touch wood, no bleeding or cramps, and my boobs are still pretty huge. But no twinges, just no signs one way or the other. I am calm and ready for an answer. Just hope I get one tomorrow and am not plunged into more uncertainty.
Incidentally, I have been thinking that after so many cycles, I should really have something profound to say about dealing with disappointment/uncertainty/infertility....you know, like if someone came and asked me to do a TED talk, I should have an idea worth sharing. Can't for the life of me think what it would be though. If I have a flash of inspiration I will write a special post, to be sure!
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