Well, there's no pretty way to say this. Of our 10 eggs retrieved, 8 were mature and 2 fertilized. By day 3 they were 4 cells and 5 cells, so we put them both back right away. For anyone not familiar with IVF, by day 3 embryos should ideally be around 8 cells, and 4/5 cell embryos have a dramatically reduced chance of implanting. There is still a chance, and google is full of success stories of course. I know, theoretically, there is a chance, otherwise I wouldn't be cutting caffeine, faithfully taking all the luteal support and cancelling my schedule for the next 3 days. But, we have been in this place so many times. IVF#1 produced only 2 embryos, and IVFs #2 and 3 only 1 each. By the time we got to IVF#4 and 5 we were over the moon to be able to transfer 5 and 6 great embryos, and we really felt we were making progress in IVF#6 when we managed to go to day 5 and transfer a blastocyst and 2 morulas. Now we're back to square 1, and have no idea why.
The only thing I can think of is this. The day before egg retrieval, our RE called and said, why don't we try using fresh sperm, and have the frozen as a backup. I said, but Mic has stopped the shots and has restarted the testosterone, so surely there won't be any viable sperm in a fresh sample? He said, not necessarily, because it takes several months for any effect to be noticeable, so we don't lose anything by trying, and that way we might save a frozen sample. So we agreed. The day of retrieval, we were told that the fresh sample had not been enough and they had to use the frozen as well. Yesterday we found out that the ones that survived had been fertilized by the frozen sperm. So, my theory goes, the fresh sperm were just really poor quality and we should never have tried using them. On the other hand, the frozen were obviously not that great either. But who knows, really?
My mind is already moving on to what happens next. We are booking a phone consult with a urologist at Cornell. I am already thinking of what I should be cancelling in the summer in order to cycle again. And although Mic is as determined as I am to continue, I don't know how long we can keep on at this, financially. I will pick myself up, I always do, and life is too beautiful to be depressed for long. But I think that the main long-term effect of all these treatments is that I feel my life is shrinking. I used to have so many activities and exciting things going on, and gradually they are being postponed or cancelled or just given up on, to make room for treatment cycles. I know it's not good for my mental health, but my biological clock is about 3 years to midnight and I feel we have to keep pushing on. And there you have it. All my weaknesses exposed!
The only thing I can think of is this. The day before egg retrieval, our RE called and said, why don't we try using fresh sperm, and have the frozen as a backup. I said, but Mic has stopped the shots and has restarted the testosterone, so surely there won't be any viable sperm in a fresh sample? He said, not necessarily, because it takes several months for any effect to be noticeable, so we don't lose anything by trying, and that way we might save a frozen sample. So we agreed. The day of retrieval, we were told that the fresh sample had not been enough and they had to use the frozen as well. Yesterday we found out that the ones that survived had been fertilized by the frozen sperm. So, my theory goes, the fresh sperm were just really poor quality and we should never have tried using them. On the other hand, the frozen were obviously not that great either. But who knows, really?
My mind is already moving on to what happens next. We are booking a phone consult with a urologist at Cornell. I am already thinking of what I should be cancelling in the summer in order to cycle again. And although Mic is as determined as I am to continue, I don't know how long we can keep on at this, financially. I will pick myself up, I always do, and life is too beautiful to be depressed for long. But I think that the main long-term effect of all these treatments is that I feel my life is shrinking. I used to have so many activities and exciting things going on, and gradually they are being postponed or cancelled or just given up on, to make room for treatment cycles. I know it's not good for my mental health, but my biological clock is about 3 years to midnight and I feel we have to keep pushing on. And there you have it. All my weaknesses exposed!
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