Yesterday was ER day. I had traveled to our neighboring country where we have 2 vials of frozen sperm stored. I had done all the monitoring appointments in our local clinic (my 4th RE clinic), and they were saying I should expect about 5 eggs. So I was super happy when they retrieved ten yesterday. Then I got the fert report this morning. Out of 6 mature eggs, only 1 fertilized. So we're doing a 2 day transfer tomorrow. If the embryo makes it till then. Man, I can't even process this. I don't even want to think about it.
I am working really hard on making peace with the idea that our little boy may be an only child. And I am getting there, I really am. He'll be ok. He will be loved and taken care of and we will do whatever it takes to make sure he has a great social life and plenty of playmates. The thing I am finding it hard to get over is the resentment about how much money we have spent on this. Of course, if it works, it will be worth it and we will forget about the financial loss immediately. But what if it never does work again, And we have done another 8 cycles with nothing to show for it except a huge hole in our pockets? Where will I put my resentment then? How will I deal with it?
I am working really hard on making peace with the idea that our little boy may be an only child. And I am getting there, I really am. He'll be ok. He will be loved and taken care of and we will do whatever it takes to make sure he has a great social life and plenty of playmates. The thing I am finding it hard to get over is the resentment about how much money we have spent on this. Of course, if it works, it will be worth it and we will forget about the financial loss immediately. But what if it never does work again, And we have done another 8 cycles with nothing to show for it except a huge hole in our pockets? Where will I put my resentment then? How will I deal with it?
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