Finally I have a minute to sit down and fill in the details of the last few amazing days! Coincidentally all this has happened during the busiest week of the year at work and I have literally been rushed off my feet since hearing the news.
As you know, I had literally started to get over IVF#8 on 8dp5dt, when I had some bleeding and got a negative on an HPT. After all our previous negatives, there was no way I could believe that we would somehow get a miraculous late BFP, and especially with the bleeding, I just assumed it was over. We had a few pretty down days, and were discussing getting more opinions, consulting with an immunologist and another 2 doctors that had been recommended to us. On maybe 10dp5dt I had just a moment when I thought that maybe my boobs had got a bit bigger, but I just pushed it aside as one of those crazy hopes that always come in the 2ww (see this post on hope...). On the morning of 11dp5dt I hadn't even thought about testing, in fact I sat most of the day researching immunology and donor embryos. I really don't know what possessed me to go and buy a couple of tests in the late afternoon. It was more or less unconscious, but looking back, maybe it was because the bleeding had completely cleared up, not a sign of it, or maybe it was the watery discharge I kept feeling.
When I did the test I left it about a minute and then glanced over at it. Unbelievable. It's not snow white, I kept thinking, it's not snow white. I started grinning like a Cheshire cat and immediately went to take a photo of it. I couldn't stop staring at it. Anyway to cut a long story short, Mic came home and I had wrapped up the test and written on it "Hopefully happy birthday!" (his birthday was the next day). I told him I had got him a birthday present. All the time I was thinking it could be a chemical and it might all be over the next day, but I was so happy just to have seen those two lines for the first time.
Next day was beta day. I foolishly took another HPT before going in, thinking that with first morning urine the line was bound to be stronger than the previous day. Wrong! It looked exactly the same, and I went in for the beta feeling despondent, feeling sure the beta would come back at 20 and then keep going down. I was expecting the nurses to call back, so when I got a call from a private number and heard a man's voice I didn't even realize it was our RE. I heard somebody saying that the result was very strong, and congratulations, and finally the penny dropped!
I don't get a second beta, but I'm having my first ultrasound next Wednesday. I am an IVF expert but about pregnancy, um, no, so I am not even sure how far along I will be by then. Some say 5w3d, some 5w1d. I guess I can hope to see a yoke sac and fetal pole by then, not much more. I am strangely calm, and just determined to enjoy every moment of being pregnant. Infertility makes us constantly fear the worst, and I know there's a chance things might not turn out well here, but I am just choosing to file that fear very far away and revel in the fact that today, I am pregnant for the first time ever. I couldn't be happier, and Mic is so cute when he talks about it, his whole face lights up. And he's spoiling me, which doesn't hurt :)
It is a source of constant wonder to me that this stuff is happening inside me. I am amazed every time I use the bathroom and there is no blood, and awed when I have to go pee every 10 minutes! I feel so lucky and blessed to be experiencing this most everyday of miracles, something that billions of women have experienced since time immemorial, and yet something that for many of us is a distant dream, almost unimaginable.
Oh yes, and I did pee on another stick this morning, just to be able to see a kick-ass dark line. And here it is!
As you know, I had literally started to get over IVF#8 on 8dp5dt, when I had some bleeding and got a negative on an HPT. After all our previous negatives, there was no way I could believe that we would somehow get a miraculous late BFP, and especially with the bleeding, I just assumed it was over. We had a few pretty down days, and were discussing getting more opinions, consulting with an immunologist and another 2 doctors that had been recommended to us. On maybe 10dp5dt I had just a moment when I thought that maybe my boobs had got a bit bigger, but I just pushed it aside as one of those crazy hopes that always come in the 2ww (see this post on hope...). On the morning of 11dp5dt I hadn't even thought about testing, in fact I sat most of the day researching immunology and donor embryos. I really don't know what possessed me to go and buy a couple of tests in the late afternoon. It was more or less unconscious, but looking back, maybe it was because the bleeding had completely cleared up, not a sign of it, or maybe it was the watery discharge I kept feeling.
When I did the test I left it about a minute and then glanced over at it. Unbelievable. It's not snow white, I kept thinking, it's not snow white. I started grinning like a Cheshire cat and immediately went to take a photo of it. I couldn't stop staring at it. Anyway to cut a long story short, Mic came home and I had wrapped up the test and written on it "Hopefully happy birthday!" (his birthday was the next day). I told him I had got him a birthday present. All the time I was thinking it could be a chemical and it might all be over the next day, but I was so happy just to have seen those two lines for the first time.
Next day was beta day. I foolishly took another HPT before going in, thinking that with first morning urine the line was bound to be stronger than the previous day. Wrong! It looked exactly the same, and I went in for the beta feeling despondent, feeling sure the beta would come back at 20 and then keep going down. I was expecting the nurses to call back, so when I got a call from a private number and heard a man's voice I didn't even realize it was our RE. I heard somebody saying that the result was very strong, and congratulations, and finally the penny dropped!
I don't get a second beta, but I'm having my first ultrasound next Wednesday. I am an IVF expert but about pregnancy, um, no, so I am not even sure how far along I will be by then. Some say 5w3d, some 5w1d. I guess I can hope to see a yoke sac and fetal pole by then, not much more. I am strangely calm, and just determined to enjoy every moment of being pregnant. Infertility makes us constantly fear the worst, and I know there's a chance things might not turn out well here, but I am just choosing to file that fear very far away and revel in the fact that today, I am pregnant for the first time ever. I couldn't be happier, and Mic is so cute when he talks about it, his whole face lights up. And he's spoiling me, which doesn't hurt :)
It is a source of constant wonder to me that this stuff is happening inside me. I am amazed every time I use the bathroom and there is no blood, and awed when I have to go pee every 10 minutes! I feel so lucky and blessed to be experiencing this most everyday of miracles, something that billions of women have experienced since time immemorial, and yet something that for many of us is a distant dream, almost unimaginable.
Oh yes, and I did pee on another stick this morning, just to be able to see a kick-ass dark line. And here it is!
So happy for you - I can't wait for the update on the ultrasound.
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