So, I am sitting here trying not to obsess. Obviously it's not working! I am keeping an open mind. We do have a chance this time, it could be our best chance. But at the same time, statistically it's pretty unlikely after 7 BFNs that suddenly things are going to change for us. The thing that keeps going round in my head is, if we have another negative, can I really keep on doing the same thing over and over? We still have 10 vials of frozen sperm and I just don't know if I can face another 10 cycles with the same result. And as with so many infertility stories, we don't categorically know if the reason IVF is not working is because of the original diagnosis, or whether there could be another undiscovered factor.
I guess we have three options that we might consider at this point. We could take a step back and do further immunology tests, which might take several months (tick, tock, tick, tock, goes the biological clock). We could keep on doing more attempts with the sperm we have with no further testing. Or we could try donor embryos. I think the thing that scares me the most is that I am completely ready to go down the donor embryo route, but I don't think DH is. We have been such a tight team up till now, that I really don't want any cracks to appear. My relationship with him is priority number 1, it comes before babies. At the same time I don't want there to be any resentment on either side later on - me resenting him for not letting us try DE and delaying any possibility of pregnancy for another year or more, or him resenting me for not giving our biological child all the chances it could possibly have. Maybe after all, doing some of the more unusual and controversial immunology testing is the way to go. Gives us a break from IVF and (hopefully) clarifies our options later.
I know I must sound terribly negative for someone who just transferred 3 embryos on day 5 and who has not a shred of evidence that it didn't work. I suppose I just want to be prepared. I am hopeful, but I don't want another BFN to hit me like a pile of bricks and send me into depression. I need to know that I will be ok and I will just go on with the next chapter of our journey.
Roll on next week!
I guess we have three options that we might consider at this point. We could take a step back and do further immunology tests, which might take several months (tick, tock, tick, tock, goes the biological clock). We could keep on doing more attempts with the sperm we have with no further testing. Or we could try donor embryos. I think the thing that scares me the most is that I am completely ready to go down the donor embryo route, but I don't think DH is. We have been such a tight team up till now, that I really don't want any cracks to appear. My relationship with him is priority number 1, it comes before babies. At the same time I don't want there to be any resentment on either side later on - me resenting him for not letting us try DE and delaying any possibility of pregnancy for another year or more, or him resenting me for not giving our biological child all the chances it could possibly have. Maybe after all, doing some of the more unusual and controversial immunology testing is the way to go. Gives us a break from IVF and (hopefully) clarifies our options later.
I know I must sound terribly negative for someone who just transferred 3 embryos on day 5 and who has not a shred of evidence that it didn't work. I suppose I just want to be prepared. I am hopeful, but I don't want another BFN to hit me like a pile of bricks and send me into depression. I need to know that I will be ok and I will just go on with the next chapter of our journey.
Roll on next week!
Hope you get BFP this time~~Do you mind telling me which facility did you go to this time? it seems you got much better results than before...I had 3 failed cycle already, thinking about switching facility..
ReplyDeleteI prefer not to go into details of clinic on the blog, but if you follow me on twitter DM me and I'll send you the info, or write me at melaniettc@gmail.com. Sorry that you've had 3 failed cycles, it's so frustrating. I switched after 3 as well, then switched again after 5! Do you have a diagnosis?
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